Saturday, March 15, 2008

Do your pants hang they sag, do they flow?

On Thursday Florida lawmakers passed a bill that could result in suspensions for students who sport "droopy britches."

Translation: If you're a Floridian who sags his or her pants, you might be in trouble.

Florida would not be the first to pass "saggy pants" laws aimed at outlawing teens from wearing pants halfway down their buttocks, as several other towns and cities in the US have already implemented similar legislation. In fact, the Florida city of Riviera Beach passed a saggy pants law on Tuesday that would penalize repeat sagging offenders with a maximum of 60 days in jail.

Now, I can't help but imagine what a conversation in a Florida jail would sound like if this law were to be passed:

Jailman #1: Hey man, what're you in for?

Jailman #2: The usual...Triple homicide, arson, attempted robbery, and the assault and battery of a police officer... you?

Jailman #1: Oh you know.....I sagged some britches.

Jailman #2: (Pure disgust) Thats terrible! How could you do such a thing?

(Scoots away, embarrassed to even associate with Jailman #1)

Maybe the conversation wouldn't sound like this exactly, but you get the picture. Pure absurdity.

Supporters of this measure have asserted that schools don't effectively police their dress codes and that parents are not always aware of what their kids are wearing to school, while critics have said that such laws are unnecessary because dress codes should be the responsibility of school districts and parents.

Surprisingly enough the bill's primary sponsor, Orlando Senator Gary Siplin, is a Democrat....yes, you heard me, a D-E-M-O-C-R-A-T. Siplin has justified his support of the measure on the grounds that this fashion statement has a not so glorious origination, as he alleges it was made popular by rap artists after first appearing among prison inmates as a signal they were looking for sex. (How he knows this for fact, I dare not ask...especially with the recent Spitzertastic events of the past week...)

Siplin additionally stated that in addition to informing individuals about the not so glorious origination of the fad, the law would make an example in school, and "would help students get jobs and a degree."

If Siplin can prove that something as simple as pulling one's pants up could result in a degree and employment, then by golly, give this man a medal! Amend his law into the Constitution! Grant him his own honorary day!
But until he can do so, I suggest he loosens his own belt a bit, and loosens up.


B.Kuz said...

This is a funny article. In my opinion suspension is a bit extreme but I honestly hate those droopy pants.. my grandpa calls them poop pants

Global Citizen said...

Why wear a pants in the first place,if you want to walk around with your underwear?

The Chipped Stele said...

Looks like Florida legislators have nothing better to do than write laws appealing to the sensibilities of the elderly people that make up most of the state's voters.

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